Fake It ‘Till You It
After an entire nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat season of Monday nights, highlight reels, and an exorbitant amount of powerade we are merely hours away from the preliminary announcement to the opening proposal of the kick-off to the preface which paveth the way to broach the opening which will bring forward the option to get things rolling forward leading into the pre-game show which will eventually at some point before the month of February...the Mecca of all pigskin battles, the Superbowl.
The question here is not necessarily about the appropriate attire, but rather, if you are like me - "what the devil is going on?" I must admit, I do not normally find myself pining away with both cheeks deep into the leather seat upon which sets 215lbs of sheer bone and blubber while lulling myself into a beer coma as clearly and commercially stated as the typical cliche' of men and football to which I am completely opposed. Having said that, I have some thoughts. Don't get me wrong here, I am not wholly against a little vegging on a fresh bag of flamin' hot Cheetos in front of the wall-mounted 90" and having the latest Bond theme rumble through your Bose 3-2-1 system, but I do have my limits when it comes to certain sports which, perhaps to my own dismay, alienates me from quite a few common conversations, but I have found a loophole amidst football chatter in the masses which may be of assistance to like-minded rebels such as myself who rarely follow certain players, coaches or teams and have no money on the line when it comes to the Monday-night parlay.
Vague and ambiguous statements can be your best friend. There is no need for you to quote numbers, yards, or touchdowns. A simple statement like, "But, dude! Did you see his last game? Crazy!" will do just fine. Do not draw too much attention to thine self, and if you are as unfamiliar with the game as I, then keep the ball rolling or at least in this case, moving...as it were, by redirecting the focus to another friend by beginning a statement which then turns into a question and include the name of the player: "Speaking of Brady...what is going on with the Patriots? You see that?" Don't hog the attention, for there is little need or award for that. Be like a potato chip, go in rough and rugged, take a little dip for your self, and then pop back out leaving room and some french onion for the next guy. Make sense?
You will notice at these SuperBowl gatherings that much shouting and throwing of food will ensue. You must be conscious then, however, of the team for which you begin shouting. If you suddenly switch streams mid-game it is probable that they will know you are an imposter. You will be stripped of your hot wings and shoved into the playroom with the rest of the kids and yesterday's pizza. Pick a color, and stay with it to the end. It doesn't matter if they win or lose, you must be loyal, even if you are faking.
You don't have to be the shy wallflower at the super bowl party just because you do not prioritize knowing and memorizing the entire season of Vince Young, but on the same token you need not come across as an overbearing know-it-all. That will get you into far more trouble than had you smiled, nodded your head, and while reaching for more Doritos, blurted out a conformational teenage phrased word as a question, "Right?!"
By following these short and easy steps, you will appear far less deflated from the build into the gridiron past time, and if they can't tell that you have absolutely no concept of that which you speak...then why should you, but then again...that's just my humble opinion.