Meet Joe Community
It’s strange for a person like me who prioritizes community; using dates on the calendar as pin points of interest for potential gatherings - friends and family sharing food, fun, and memories with stye and then some, however one is often told by invitees that there are other items on the calendar to which they must attend: laundry, housework, cleaning. And then one fine day you wake up to be told that there’s been a death in the family. The clock stops dead in its tracks. They drop their familiar duties and events in lieu of this calendar-shattering news and this thing now shifts into priority. Everyone comes running leaving behind the trivial in their wake.
I had a volunteer youth pastor friend die several years back due to a horrible carbon-dioxide accident on a weekend camping trip with a group of young teenagers. While sitting at his wake, I was told that funerals are for the living. It did not sink in immediately, but thinking about those words, and allowing reflection and time for them to absorb I then realized...he was absolutely right. Funerals are obviously a ceremony for those left behind to remember, commemorate, and say goodbye. There is no being in the beautiful casket. There is no soul in the ashes. There is no spirit in the frame. One might think it strange to invite a photographer to such a somber event, but those who have gone through it once or twice, and prioritize family...know just how difficult it is to reconvene once they've have been scattered throughout the countryside, and rightly so. Sometimes, relentlessly chasing down our big dreams leads to far away places often making it incredibly difficult to reconnect. In lieu of such distinction, we attempt to take advantage of an otherwise morbid affair and steal a few snapshots with which we might lovingly update our albums. Later we can show them to the younger pups who might not recognize Grandpa or who never got to know their Aunt Ida. Perhaps we don't realize or wish to acknowledge such a fate, but the next time we gather might very well be unintentionally without a few people with whom we put off meeting for far too long.
One undeniable fact is that funerals bring people together. Some happy and others not so much. Some filled with people who loved and was loved by the departed while others still empty, desolate, and void of affection. If nothing else they are without a doubt a Show-stopper and cause pause for reflection. How have you lived your life? Did it matter that you were here? How did you serve others around you? How did you love? Whom did you love? With whom did you share your gifts? How did you spend your time? We no doubt have all heard that hearses lack the ability to pull a Uhaul and that Pharaohs had their wives (living or deceased) and all their riches buried with them fully believing that they would wake on the other side of death to a continued possession. They seem to place a great deal of emphasis on relationships...at funerals. they might as well place mirrors all along the hallways of funeral homes to help people emulate what might truly be important as we hear during this time of reflection how essential relationships are in the human journey, and yet when we return home we also generally return to the current program already in progress.
The ceremony, things needing to be said, and the opportunity to say goodbye tends to bring them in for one last hoorah; one final toast; one last look.
I wonder how often in our own lives have we traded an opportunity to create a memory with a parent, or visiting cousin for the trivial nonsense which could have just as easily waited until tomorrow only to blow up in our face as we lost the ability to catch up with that long lost friend whom we haven't seen in forever. The irony is that the entire time they will sit around talking about how we all need to get together more and we should have spent more time together in the past. So…it would most assuredly seem like relationships and time together do at some point in time take priority, but this happens most often and best in hindsight after it’s too late, and we can no longer go back, but then again…that’s just my humble opinion.