Meet Joe Community

     It’s strange for a person like me who prioritizes community; using dates on the calendar as pin points of interest for potential gatherings - friends and family sharing food, fun, and memories with stye and then some, however one is often told by invitees that there are other items on the calendar to which they must attend: laundry, housework, cleaning.  And then one fine day you wake up to be told that there’s been a death in the family.  The clock stops dead in its tracks.  They drop their familiar duties and events in lieu of this calendar-shattering news and this thing now shifts into priority.  Everyone comes running leaving behind the trivial in their wake.

     I had a volunteer youth pastor friend die several years back due to a horrible carbon-dioxide accident on a weekend camping trip with a group of young teenagers. While sitting at his wake, I was told that funerals are for the living. It did not sink in immediately,  but thinking about those words, and allowing reflection and time for them to absorb I then realized...he was absolutely right. Funerals are obviously a ceremony for those left behind to remember, commemorate, and say goodbye.  There is no being in the beautiful casket.  There is no soul in the ashes.  There is no spirit in the frame.  One might think it strange to invite a photographer to such a somber event, but those who have gone through it once or twice, and prioritize family...know just how difficult it is to reconvene once they've have been scattered throughout the countryside, and rightly so.  Sometimes, relentlessly chasing down our big dreams leads to far away places often making it incredibly difficult to reconnect.  In lieu of such distinction, we attempt to take advantage of an otherwise morbid affair and steal a few snapshots with which we might lovingly update our albums.  Later we can show them to the younger pups who might not recognize Grandpa or who never got to know their Aunt Ida.  Perhaps we don't realize or wish to acknowledge such a fate, but the next time we gather might very well be unintentionally without a few people with whom we put off meeting for far too long.

     One undeniable fact is that funerals bring people together.  Some happy and others not so much.  Some filled with people who loved and was loved by the departed while others still empty, desolate, and void of affection.  If nothing else they are without a doubt a Show-stopper and cause pause for reflection.  How have you lived your life?  Did it matter that you were here?  How did you serve others around you?  How did you love?  Whom did you love?  With whom did you share your gifts?  How did you spend your time?  We no doubt have all heard that hearses lack the ability to pull a Uhaul and that Pharaohs had their wives (living or deceased) and all their riches buried with them fully believing that they would wake on the other side of death to a continued possession.  They seem to place a great deal of emphasis on relationships...at funerals.  they might as well place mirrors all along the hallways of funeral homes to help people emulate what might truly be important as we hear during this time of reflection how essential relationships are in the human journey, and yet when we return home we also generally return to the current program already in progress.

The ceremony, things needing to be said, and the opportunity to say goodbye tends to bring them in for one last hoorah; one final toast; one last look.

     I wonder how often in our own lives have we traded an opportunity to create a memory with a parent, or visiting cousin for the trivial nonsense which could have just as easily waited until tomorrow only to blow up in our face as we lost the ability to catch up with that long lost friend whom we haven't seen in forever.  The irony is that the entire time they will sit around talking about how we all need to get together more and we should have spent more time together in the past.  So…it would most assuredly seem like relationships and time together do at some point in time take priority, but this happens most often and best in hindsight after it’s too late, and we can no longer go back, but then again…that’s just my humble opinion. 

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

     Last month I wrote an article about offering thanks to others for what you have, for what they bring, beginning with the small things.  If you would permit me, I would like to replicate that from a different perspective.  Allow me to elaborate.

     I had the pleasure of screening one of my favorite movies of all time with my three boys the other night.  The dim lighting fueled the buttery-salty filled atmosphere as we munched on some gourmet popcorn, sipped ice-cold Coca-Cola, laughed and cried as Steve Martin showed some kind of strange unconditional love to a complete stranger as life or something like it presented him practically stuck together on his journey from New York back to his home in Chi-town to reunite with his loving family for Thanksgiving, but what would be a brief warm flight from one port to another without concern for his gloves, took a slight detour through which he gained a powerful life-lesson as portrayed through the eyes of Director John Hughes in the holiday classic, "Planes, Trains, & Automobiles."

     I am the kind of weird guy who has since removed the term "coincidence" from my vocabulary believing that when I wind up sitting next to a chatterbox on a plane or riding along the interstate in a half burnt automobile in one degree weather with no rear view mirror or functioning turn signals, but oddly enough the radio still works, that perhaps there is more to the situation than what is currently presented and I should take note from famed comedian, Steve Martin, who in this case, despite the dire circumstances and unbelievably annoyances, lack of hygiene, and apparent obstacle to his destination, that maybe there is a grand design and we could share a little love to those who may not have it as good as we do, or are simply down on their "luck". Maybe we could completely throw them for a loop in offering help to someone who is far better off than us, and they walk away humbled by this strange unconditional love that we are willing to share with them regardless of status, dress code, or income level.

     I, like many others, would generally avoid such potential problems for fear of stepping out of my comfort zone, and in doing so missed many a blessing to other people.  The attitude which I have tried to adapt, as difficult as it is is to embrace the change for which you seek if you honestly make the decision, deciding in your heart that from here on out your life will be about something other than you, and lived out on purpose rather than accident, but then again...that’s just my humble opinion.

Prepped for Thanksgiving Dinner

     Your annual beating from the conglomerate gathering known as your family will ensue or continue within about a week.  As you prepare your mind with snappy comebacks and your Mikasa dish with sweet desserts, allow me to help with the attire.

     Above all, you will want to dress for comfort as the chances of you simply making an appearance at your annual day in family court and slipping out the back door may not be as probable as you dreamt up in your mind.  Obviously, it can't be a silk kimono and slippers, but it certainly does not have to be Black Tie from Calvin.

     Let's begin at the top and work our way down.  Depending on your complexion you may want something more subdued in color, darker tones and allow the bling to bring the pizzazz.  Might I recommend a light blue collared shirt.  This not only goes with everything, but once the spills from the running children begin your stains will be better hidden than your cousins new boyfriend who foolishly threw wisdom aside for a crisp white shirt to be worn at the kiddie table.

     If your wife or girlfriend will abide, I would skip the tie.  You do not want to look too stuffy for a family-style occasion, and go with a simple orange vneck which subtly states you are both modern and in season.

     Slip into a dark grey tweed jacket to don a classic look, or if you prefer, grab your favorite blue blazer.  Clip the gold buttons and have your tailor sew on a few simple dark blue, or if you are feeling dangerous, choose light blue buttons with a contrasting purple thread.  My tailor peered at me as if I asked her to mend my Members Only jacket, but I simply asked her to trust me.  Her demeanor quickly changed soon after she saw it all come together.  Fold in a polka dotted pocket square.  There is no need to match the colors of the shirt or sweater to the square, you can do that at work.

     Jeans are certainly appropriate for this setting, and recommended.  The darker you go, the dressier they appear.  If your family goes casual, lace up some all-white K-Swiss, if they are more formal, try a pair of dark brown Johnston & Murphy wingtips.  They are classic in any culture setting.  Socks or no socks, your decision

     Finish off the ensemble with a meat, appetizer, or beverage in your left arm, but leave your right hand available for handshakes and hugs.  This is after all, a celebration of thanksgiving for what we have, and who is in our lives.  Of course, none of this may apply to you or your household and may as well serve you better as a substitute when you run out of Charmin.  In which case I would recommend unscented baby wipes, they are softer and more efficient but...then again...that's just my humble opinion.

Speeding Tickets for All

We were on our way back from a visit with Joyce's folks this past weekend. They all get together a couple of times out of the year and we are either at the pool in the summertime with fruit and fried goodies or at a hall somewhere celebrating Christmas with...fruit and fried goodies. It was a perfect day for a drive as I recall. The sun was shining overhead with a slight breeze making it a 75 degree afternoon for the ride home. She was resting her eyes while I was surveying the countryside with the moonroof open, and the windows slightly cracked, and the Boston Acoustics pumping some 80's into a positively smooth atmosphere. I am so incredibly jealous of her sound system that mere words do not do it justice. 

Those kinds of moments don't come everyday, so when they do, much like I would imagine you do...I soak them up with style and then some. I was in a slight haze of bliss when I passed by a church with a sign which read, "Summer needs a speeding ticket". It caught me off guard at first, and then it hit me. We had just begun August. Somehow we were beyond the middle of the year of 2021. Can someone please tell me where the past 7 months went? I checked the glovebox and under the seat...which I imagine is where nearly everyone looks when they lost their sunglasses, keys, wallet, cheetos, etc. Where did summer go? It was here last time I looked. 

If you missed it, Angola, IN just went through a humorous Sign War amidst retailers and restaurants which was most amusing to watch on a day-by-day basis. I did not, however, see anyone post a sign about summer, that was...until now. And by now...it was too late. Normally, by this point I had consumed my weight in watermelons, swam my age in hours at the pool, and caught a sunset or two with my bride. Where did summer go? I for one, couldn't agree more with that sign. Summer should get a speeding ticket. And for that matter so should your first date with that special someone. Those tend to go a little too fast, do they not? And your wedding day deserves a speeding ticket as well; all that planning, and scheduling, and phone calls, and meetings, and tailoring, and food, and dresses, and parties, and friends, and memories, and within a matter of hours the wedding day is over, the vows have been shared and witnessed and the marriage has begun. A speeding ticket should also be administered to the honeymoon.  All the dreaming and planning, and traveling, and selfies, but before you know it you have returned from your travels and real life begins. I’ll raise a glass to speeding tickets for vacations, And longer weekends, and late nights with friends, and early mornings with my wife sipping coffee and listening to Norah Jones while watching the sunrise. More speeding tickets and penalties for birthday breakfast with your 16-year-old, date night with your daughter, and a midnight basketball game with your son. They should certainly cut a speeding ticket for that special tee time with your young daughter, that construction time with your boys building the lego battleships and heading into lego war. There should definitely be a speeding ticket for your anniversary celebration in Jamaica, for puzzle time during Christmas with the grandparents, opening gifts with your children on Christmas morning, for the fireworks show during your July 4th celebration, and quite frankly speeding tickets for the growth of your children; for time on the lake fishing with grandpa, and for going to the movies with dad. I think there should be speeding tickets for the time spent with grandma learning how to make her famous Ginger Crinkles; for Sunday afternoons getting ice cream, and for the last few moments with your parents on their bed surrounded by family. There should definitely be a speeding ticket for that. And while we're at it, let's write speeding tickets for those last few moments with man's best friend before he must be put down due to cancer, or another illness, or perhaps just age. A ticket should be written for the time we have with our son or daughter before we drop them off at college on their first day, for that time spent with the fellas before they go off to basic to protect our country, and for that last Sunset before we say good night. Yup, when it comes to those kinds of things, in my world, and I know I don't speak for everyone, I say let's write some speeding tickets and slow a few things down, but then again...that's just my humble opinion.

Graduation

    It’s that moment in The Greatest Showman, the Crescendo, the one for which you have been waiting the entire movie where you turn the volume all the way up to 11 so you can feel the music in the depths of your soul just as clearly as you feel the tears in your eyes...the moment of anticipation of the smile on their face and excitement to open the gift at Christmas.  It’s the gift for which they have been asking all season, the Red Ryder BB gun with a scope that you skillfully hid from the wife and carefully wrapped and placed in the corner behind the desk, with a sneaky-type grin on your mug, so as not to be discovered by a very inquisitive young boy who had been asking for this very thing from every source ranging from his teacher, to his mother and inevitably, the odd mall Santa with a strange and drama-drawn elongated"Ho-Ho-Ho."

    The million dreams that have been keeping him awake for the past 12 years which he finally gets to realize, and put into action as he crosses the stage to grasp the hand of the principal in one hand and his future with the other.  It’s graduation day, the day for which you have been dreading and dreaming and thinking and praying and the very moment for which you held your breath and your camera phone.  hundreds of parents and grandparents have prepped the party and donned their white linens and brought their sun umbrellas in anticipation of a long wait outside in the noon-day sun to enter an ac-filled gymnasium where popped folding chairs and polished bleachers await the fans and classmates of the seniors who have worked diligently for this day.  They’ve graduated.  They’ve done it.  The many years of picking them up and dropping them off; of staying up late to help with projects, and by that I mean they fell asleep three hours ago on the couch waiting for the guerilla glue to dry while you’ve been maticuloisly finalizing the visuals on the display board and placing the trim on the graphics have paid off.  The many seasons of shooting video for the marching band and carrying the teams pads and cleats, and water bottles, towels and wardrobes and props and house parties and committee meetings, fundraisers, phone calls emails, text messages, early morning practices, late night performances, away games, home game snack bar volunteering and coordinating and cleanups and community building and field trips and plays, art shows, and jazz concerts,  have come to this.  You take another deep breath while they near his name in the alphabet.  The numerous thoughts which you have shared and the hundreds of teaching moments have neared their summation as he begins to take to the stage.  You have poured hours of lectures about integrity and pride, honor and working smart and hard into their hearts and minds and souls for the better part of their life in every effort to help steer your would-be graduate in the right direction away from the many mistakes which you have, unfortunately made in the past hoping they will make new mistakes from which they will learn and apply in their adulthood.

    They may one day even learn what the words “Prince of Humbug” actually mean, or perhaps solve the ever compromising riddle of why a raven is like a writing desk.  A million dreams might be keeping them awake, and yet tonight you can rest easy knowing you have fought the good fight, you have finished the race, you kept the faith.  You handed the top hat and the reins of the circus to your partner so that you could raise your children and watch your daughters play the precious part of the tree in the school play, because it was everything you ever wanted, it was everything you ever needed.  It was there right in front of you, and that's where you wanted to be, but...then again, that's just my humble opinion.